Where are we a year later?

I am one of those people that remember a day and replay it every year on the anniversary, hour by hour. This time of year is a big one that doesn't bring pleasant memories, but it got me thinking today about where we are a year (or more) later, and what we learned from the events that are in our past.


Aug. 30th is the anniversary of the day Ken died. September 3rd was the day he was buried, and September 5th was his birthday. For the first few years it was really hard and I remembered things that I didn't necessarily want to remember. I try to block out the bad with all of the good, and there was PLENTY of good in that man. Ken never made me feel like an outsider in this family, even if I was wrong he was there with a loving hug and an understanding ear. He NEVER judged anyone and loved everyone. My kids adored him, and he was so fun with them. One of the saddest things to me is that I am so afraid that my kids memories of him will fade. Especially Trever. They were so close and Trever was so young that I worry he won't remember him as he grows. Ken was an amazing roll model and although nobody is perfect, he was someone I was proud that my kids looked up to. Not only my kids, but Jim. Jim looked up to Ken his whole life and always wanted to be just like his dad. I know that he still strives for that but I can't imagine how hard it must be for him to not have Ken's guidance in the rough times, and rough choices. He is really missed, and it is just one of the lessons that we've had in our lives to prove to us that life is so short, and we never know if the ones we love will still be with us tomorrow. His funeral was on September 3rd, little did we know that date would be in our memories for other terrible reasons years later....





September 3rd. A year ago today was Labor Day. I was cooking a turkey dinner, the kids and Jim had all been sick but on the mend. All except Jimi, who continued on the downward spiral. So this is the day, a year ago, that I took her to the hospital. Just because she was dehydrated, or so I thought. Today is when the nightmare started just a short year ago, and I have so many mixed emotions today. I go back and forth, from the pain and fear that we felt, to the joy and excitement of where she is now and how it all turned out. So, I have looked through the pictures and looked at her scars and had a few good cries over the whole thing, but when it's all over and the tears are dry I look at that beautiful little girl who is stronger than anyone I know. Physically she perfectly healthy, she is strong and athletic and growing up so incredibly fast. She is almost unrecognizable from the short year ago. And emotionally she is a ROCK! She is proud of the scar she has "earned" and the possibility of never bearing children of her own only brings the comment "that's what adoption is for mom!" (duh mom) She never used it as an excuse but as a challenge, she wanted to show those Dr.s who said she would be in that wheelchair, or be sick for longer, and for everyone, including me, who didn't think she could play sports again or run that mile so quickly after she came home from the hospital. She is truly an inspiration. (with a mouth)



The answer to my question. Where are we a year later? We've lived and learned, laughed and cried, and when we reflect I know that I wish I were a lot better person and that I need to continue to strive to be better every day. I know that my life, and those whom I love, are in God's hands and that He truly has a plan for all of us. I know I need to count my blessings more and point out others downfalls less. I need to keep the things that are important close and block out the rest of the world. More importantly though.... I need to do this NOW, because who knows what is in store for tomorrow?